-clop. Then silence. Then another clip. Then a scuffed clop.
Joe sensed Anne's body melt a little behind his. It felt good to be the man for a change, to stand guard before someone, to not run away. It also felt incredibly scary.
Another clip and the sounds stopped. The air was still and quiet. It was times like this that you'd hear all the whirring, creaking, and settling background noises that you'd otherwise ignore. But this time there was nothing. Just silence. It hurt Joe's ears, like a painful numbness.
Finally a clip, a clop, a clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop.
'There you are. I thought I heard someone.'
Anne's shocked face failed to change for some time. Until it was replaced by the widest grin Joe had ever seen.
'Connie!' shouted Anne.
'Connie,' said Joe, unsure how to react.
'Connie?' said the voice of Ridley, moving quickly into the warehouse. 'Connieeeee,' he yelled, acting as a PA system for the Rat's Nest.
'Yes,' said Connie, matter-of-factly, as if coming in from an evening stroll. 'Connie.'
'Connie,' said Isaac. 'I vas busy finding solutions to your capture.'
'I hear you've been very busy of late,' said Connie. 'Especially in that little room of yours.'
Isaac curled a smile. 'Ya,' he said.
'We warr just comin' to bust ya out,' said Shamus.
'Quite unnecessary.'
'Aye, so it seems,' said Shamus.
They were all there now, inventing questions in their minds as they formed an ad hoc semi-circle around Connie.
'Ya, how did you eshcape?' said Isaac.
'I know a few people. High up people. Nothing special.'
Nothing special?! Joe was already feeling let down. He needed to at least hear detailed stories with daring and intrigue. Not evasiveness. 'But how?' he said.
'That's not important right now,' said Connie. 'I've put you in danger. We need to be out of here before sunrise.'
The nervousness he felt when he'd heard the echo of her shoes wasn't so much fear of who it might be, or fear for his own safety, or, more importantly, Anne's safety; it was a fear of falling back into his past self. Despite making big changes, positive changes, to his character, he still felt on the brink of falling back into his old ways; as if he teetered on the precipice and one little nudge would end it all. After sensing Connie's presence he felt let down and empty, almost lost. The plot had given him purpose. There was a clear sight of a future. Now it was just whisked away. He'd never know if the plan would have worked out, if he'd been right.
Doubts are like little creatures with hundreds of arms that climb their way around your body until they completely cover you. He hoped he'd be able to push them down, at least until they were all truly safe. The people that is, not the doubts.
'Are they coming?' said Anne. Her voice was strong and objective once more. She seemed completely in control.
'They will be,' said Connie. 'But we've got some time. I know of a few places we can go, people we can trust. Though we might have to split up. It'll be much harder to find one or two of us than the whole group together.'
Ridley's eyes were darting to everyone as they spoke. He opened his mouth, about to speak, then closed it.
Joe pushed the metaphorical little creatures down to his waist and spoke up. 'OK, we can do this,' he said.
'Come on everybody!' blurted Ridley. 'You can't be serious. We've got a damn matter transporter and you're talking about crashing on friends' couches!? Here's an idea: why not use the damn thing and get out of here?'
Both of Joe's eyebrows raised.
'And go vere?' said Isaac.
'Anywhere! Wherever it takes us!! I'm sorry for using so many exclamation marks but I'm really fired up about this!!! I was waiting for someone to say something, anything, but I could tell you were just going to look down at your feet and shrug your shoulders a lot, then do whatever Connie wanted. No offence Connie.'
Connie shook her head, dismissing any offence.
'Come on guys,' continued Ridley. 'Come on Joe. We've explored this place, great, it's terrible, no problem, let's go somewhere else. Simple.'
Anne looked at Joe.
'I guess,' he said, slowly. 'I guess he has a point. I don't really like it here. The place is pretty backward. It doesn't exactly give me awe and wonder, like I hoped. Not only that: I don't know if you've noticed, but it's quite racist.'
You were always one of the sharper tools, Joe. A spade perhaps? Ah, I make me laugh.
Anne looked stunned. In an instant she had lost any trace of her staid expression. 'You don't like it here?' she said, quietly, almost to herself.
'We should all go,' said Ridley. 'Connie?'
'I can't,' said Connie. 'There are too many people here who need me. I can't just abandon them.'
'It's not abandoning,' said Ridley. 'It's living life. You need to take care of yourself, too.'
Connie shook her head. 'No,' she said, speaking in such a way that showed no room for a change of opinion.
'Tank?' said Joe. 'You wanna come?'
'I like it here at the Rat's Nest,' said The Tank.
'There won't be a Rat's Nest,' said Ridley. 'It's over. Kaputt. Niet. Done.'
The Tank thought to himself. The others could see the strain on his face as the small brain inside his large head swirled. 'I want to stay here. With Connie.'
'That's where we belong, too,' said Shamus. Micky nodded.
The noob looked over to Isaac. 'You know,' he said, 'I think I have to go.'
'Ya, OK,' said Isaac.
The noob frowned and said: 'I'd love to stay. You've taught me so much. I just feel like there'd be less opportunity of making things now that the Rat's Nest will go away.'
Isaac nodded blankly, not paying a lot of attention.
The noob decided to forge on, to fully explain his reasons. 'Besides, I came through the wormhole looking for adventure. I wanted to be the protagonist in some speculative fiction novel, to fight aliens and discover the universe. The thing about those characters is they don't outstay their welcome. They get in, do what they have to, and leave. That's why I need to do the same.' He seemed pleased with his little speech.
'Good choice, noob,' said Ridley.
'Phillip,' said the noob.
'What? I think you've gone all loopy, noob. My name's Ridley. Ridd-leeeeee.'
'No,' said the noob, louder. 'My name. It's Phillip.'
Ridley clasped Phillip's shoulder in a very manly way, like a knight showing new-found respect for a former adversary.
'Good to finally meet you Phillip, son of Phillip's father,' said Ridley. 'Go. Rest. You shall need your wits about you, for we rise at dawn, to claim what was ours of birthright.'
The others gave him confused glares. But that didn't stop him from continuing:
'Yes, my lieges, the battlements we assembled shall not go to waste. The king will know soon of our bravery. Minstrels shall sing canards in our name, long after our escape.'
The others continued to give him confused glares. Except Joe.
'You aren't suggesting we should continue the plan?' said Joe, secretly hoping he did in fact mean that. 'We've got Connie back. That was the point.'
'There were two aspects to the plan, loser,' said Ridley, moving expertly from poorly formed middle-aged rhetoric to his traditional classy dialogue. He stopped short of any further explanation for dramatic affect. He waited. Someone finally bit.
'You wanna blow up the Emperor?' said Shamus with a twinkle in his eye.
'Call it a going away present,' said Ridley.
'That's not such a bad idea,' said Connie. 'It would take them months to fully recover. And in the meantime, we could get ourselves better positioned.'
'And who knows,' said Anne, 'it might leave the door open for proper regime change.'
'Real change,' said Micky. 'Not just some fancy slogan.'
General agreement lead to plans which lead to actions which lead to the Rat's Nest working together one last time to punch a whole right through the O.L.'s. Oh, I could give you a blow-by-blow of the whole ordeal. I could elaborate on the debate over who should take the device to the guards *spit*, about who should go through the wormhole as faux fresh immigrants, about who should take the actual weapon into the room, but you'd probably get bored. Suffice to say there was plenty of action – so much that my fingers would hurt from typing it all. So I can't exactly give you that much detail since...you know...fingertips, etc.
OK, fine, there were explosions and lots of bits flying everywhere, none of which belonged to the bodies of our intrepid Rat's Nest inhabitants. There was even a cigar-puffing end where someone said:
 |
| Figure 13-1: 'I love it when a plan comes together.' |
It was all done on quite a fast timeline, too, which would give them enough time to leave before the expected revenge attack.
Which is where we pick up our story once more, after the largest anti-climax in history, with Anne standing before Joe with a stolid expression.
'That went well,' she said.
'Better than I expected,' said Joe. 'Thanks again for, err, saving my life.' He raised a sooty and wrinkly forearm.
'Are you sure you don't want me to treat that?' she said.
'Nah, I'm tough. Bit of fire won't hurt anyone.'
'Mm,' she said absently. Her eyes darted in every direction but Joe's face. Eventually she said: 'How much longer till the big exit?'
'Just waiting on Isaac to calibrate the transporter. Apparently the more power you put in, the further it takes you. And the noob has been able to work out whether we'll land on a planet or just the vacuum of space. I'm hoping for the former.'
'Good,' said Anne.
'All done, laddie,' said Shamus in the archway. 'They're setting it up outside, away from anything flammable. Just in case.' He winked and left like a shot.
'Looks like we better say goodbye, then,' said Anne, looking up at Joe's eyes.
'What do you mean?' said Joe. 'You're coming too, right?'
'I can't,' said Anne. 'I can't just leave Connie. Not after what she's done for me.'
'Are you serious? She'll be fine. She has lots of burly blokes to take care of her.'
Anne lowered her eyes and, at length, closed them. 'The last time I went through a wormhole I had to fight for my life. I don't think I can do that again.'
'I'll be there with you this time,' said Joe, showing mucho bravado. He pulled her close to him, his arms around her lower back.
She looked up into his eyes. 'But grandfather was with me last time. And we got split up.'
'We won't get split up. I promise.' Joe's words were strong, but his voice still cracked. She couldn't possibly want to stay here, could she?
Anne looked up at him and quickly relented, following the plot as much as her heart. Then a thought struck her. 'Grandfather! What about grandfather? I can't leave without him.'
This is your chance, Joe. Have you grown enough to be a big man? Will you tell her the truth about her grandfather? Will you conveniently leave out the last words that you didn't actually hear? The ones that could have given this lovely girl some closure and made the grieving process easier? Oops, have I let the cat out the bag?
Will you make me a liar?
'I know it's hard,' said Joe, slowly, almost to himself. 'But...he would want you to leave now, to be safe. You've managed to survive so long without him and...he knows that. He knows what you've become, how strong and wise and...well, pretty amazing.'
Joe smiled at Anne with pursed lips. She looked back at him without expression. Joe wondered if he'd stuffed it all up. Maybe she would start asking questions, like how did he know all this?
He continued: 'I feel pretty lucky to have met you. All this time I've kind of fumbled through life, doing the least necessary to survive. But now I don't want to just survive. I want to really live. That's why I need to leave this place and take a jump through the wormhole. You make me want to strive for something better, to show that I really am someone. I'm...not quite there yet, but I will be. With you.'
She blinked. A small tear dropped to her cheek and she leant in to Joe, kissing his lips tenderly. He felt the warmth of her mouth as the coldness of her tear touched his face, becoming merged, something they both shared.
OK...that wasn't bad. Not quite the failure I was expecting. Still, we've been waiting since episode IV for the whole grandfather payoff, and that was it? Talk about a massive anti-climax.
Wait a minute, was this a bigger anti-climax than the skimmed over attack of the O.L.s from earlier in this episode? You be the judge:
'So will you come with me?' said Joe. 'Fight or flight?' He smiled warmly.
Anne couldn't help but smile back her response. 'Let me get my stuff together,' she said.
The wormhole wooshed into existence. The air around it felt thicker and a darkness fell into place.
Connie, Shamus, Micky, Isaac, and The Tank all stood at a respectful distance, perhaps in case of an emergency, which would suggest that “respect” == “not getting blown up”. Joe, Anne, Ridley and the noo...Phillip all stood brightly in front of the wormhole, like the holy quadra...quadry...like four horsemen of the apocalypse? Maybe I should avoid religious iconography. They looked more like inter-galaxy travellers or hitchhikers on their way to a new location, without the help of any guide.
'Good luck,' said Connie, formally.
'Pfft, we don't need luck,' said Ridley.
'Ba-bye boys and girls,' said Joe. Goodbye Connie. Goodbye Shamus, Micky. Goodbye Isaac. And Tank...I think I'll miss you most of all.' He wiped an imaginary tear from his eye.
The Tank looked back and, despite his great size, his imposing presence, his manly lack of emotions, he...certainly didn't cry if that's what you're expecting. Sheesh. Haven't I taught you anything?
If you managed to foresee that little switcharoo, consider me pleased with your progress young padawan. Now watch movies and read stories with that same eye to clichés. Don't let them get away with it! Evil face.
Isaac moved a step or two forward. 'I sink zis is yours, ya?' he said.
Phillip reverently took the circular piece of metal from Isaac's hand. He read the inscription on the back: All My Heart, All My Love, Always.
'Thank you,' said Phillip. He didn't need to say he'd treasure it or that it would remind him of the friendship they'd forged over such a short space of time, because that kind of thing is implied. I thought you were learning! A padawan you are not, it seems.
'That looks similar to my grandfather's watch,' said Anne.
'Oh, how interesting,' said Ridley, examining the timepiece in great detail. 'I wonder if this means that...we can stop gawking at useless crap and finally get out of here!'
Hmm, forget what I just said about clichés. I'm awesome! That's all you need to remember. Smiley face.
Joe took Anne's hand. 'You ready?'
'Yes,' she said.
'Scared?' he asked.
'Yes,' she said.
Joe chuckled. 'Same. But we'll be alright. I'm an old hand at this.'
They both stared at their future.
You know, I'm quite proud of the character you've become Joe. From someone who shies away from any responsibility to one who just blew up a government.
'Thanks, err, whoever you are,' said Joe.
'What?' said Anne.
'Nothing.' He smiled.
You're welcome. But who knows what will happen when you step through that wormhole? You might go back to being your old loser-y self. You might find that the stressful situation will find you crawling back to your corner, avoiding contact with everyone, even Anne.
Joe hesitated for a moment. Then an energy coursed through his being. 'No', he whispered. 'I've changed. I've grown up. And it feels good. Real good. There's no chance I'll go back to how I was. Wherever we end up.'
With that they all jumped through the wormhole.
No chance, you say? We'll see about that, little man. Winky face.
Episodes I-XIII are dedicated to Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett. Thank you.
THE END...or is it?
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
© 2013 Ben Safta
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 Australia License
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